#((but hey if i can think of more shit for this it would be GREAT))
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All Dressed Up
Pairing: Biker!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Summary: Bucky visits a gallery to support his best friend and unexpectedly meets the girl of his dreams.
Word Count: Over 2.3k
Warnings: First meeting, mild dirty thoughts, instacrush, swearing, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?).
A/N: Okay, lovelies. A new AU. I'm sorry. @targaryenvampireslayer @tavners @starlightcrystalline @whisperlullaby @sgt-seabass @vesearlee , I feel like you all either heard me screech, encouraged, or helped me, and I appreciate you. ❤️ Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Edit by the beautiful @nixakimbo and divider by the incredible @firefly-graphics . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
Bucky didn’t dress up for most people since it wasn’t his style. He would do so for any of his brothers though, especially Steve. His best friend since childhood, and his club’s president, he always had a love and talent for drawing and painting. And after working his ass off on his exhibit it would’ve been a crime for the vice president not to show up.
Steve promised if there was ever a day when Bucky’s writing became published he’d be by his side to celebrate too. As much as they liked to give each other shit sometimes about art and how they created it, the support was there through and through. The only catch for tonight was that he had to dress nicely to get into the gallery. So, instead of the usual leather jacket or vest he wore and jeans, he went with a plain black suit and white button up shirt.
He refused to wear a tie since it wasn’t a wedding. He had to draw a line somewhere. No one paid him any mind though as they walked around the gallery, and he was more than fine with that. This wasn’t his night.
“You should be proud, punk,” Bucky said, looking over the art lining the large wall, each piece crafted with care.
“I am proud, jerk,” Steve smiled. He hadn’t worn a tie either, and it made Bucky feel a little better. “And you know you don’t have to stay the whole time.”
Bucky knew that. He also knew members and prospects would be trickling in and out throughout the evening. “Not needed at the bar tonight, so I can stay as long as I want. But I might cut out early since I see your face enough between that and the club.”
Steve chuckled. “Still haven’t sold the place, huh?”
The brunette sighed. It wasn’t the first time Steve asked if he was going to sell the bar to focus more on writing. “Where the hell would you all hang out if I sold the place?” He liked the bar. It wasn’t just a great hangout for the club, but for his other regulars, too.
“There are other bars,” Steve teased. He said that, but he loved the bar, too. “You know I just want you to-”
“Follow my compass. I know. You’ve said that so many…” He stopped talking when he saw an unexpected angel walk into the room.
Well, angel was the word that came to mind since you were wearing a white dress and the light over your head illuminated you like a halo. But as his eyes swept over you, he wondered if there was a bit of a devil in you. He wouldn’t mind bringing that side out of you if you gave him the chance.
And here he used to think love at first sight was bullshit.
“Hey. Do you know her?” Bucky subtly nodded in your direction as you spoke to another woman, jealousy flaring up for a second at the thought of his best friend knowing you and not telling him. And if you knew Steve, that was that before things even started. While the blonde didn’t have much game growing up, he came into his own after his growth spurt, and everyone adored or wanted him.
Steve shook his head. “No, I don’t,” he said, making Bucky’s shoulders slump in relief before his friend scrutinized him. “Jesus, are you eye fucking her? You are, aren’t you?”
Bucky wasn’t the least bit ashamed. “And I’ll keep doing it ‘til she looks at me,” he replied, wishing you’d at least spare him a glance and get a look at him in his nice suit. Maybe you weren’t into guys with tattoos and piercings, but he was certain he could change your mind if that was the case.
“How long has it been since you’ve been on a date?” Steve asked. “Just introduce yourself like a gentleman and see where that goes.”
“A couple of months? Something like that.” Tearing his gaze away to glance at his inked hands, he chuckled. “You think I’m a gentleman?”
He could be dangerous and downright dirty when the occasion called for it, but just because he rode a motorcycle and covered himself in tattoos and piercings didn’t mean he treated others poorly. He was raised better than that. Even with his ex-girlfriends, things never ended because he didn’t treat them well. They just weren’t the one.
“We both know you are. Sometimes,” Steve answered, smirking as a beat passed. “And she’s looking your way.”
Bucky’s head snapped up to find you looking right at him with a curious stare. You had the prettiest eyes he had ever seen. Which was nothing compared to your smile. It was like watching the sun slowly rise to meet the day.
Fuck, he was being sappy. You ruined him with a single stare, and he wanted to ruin you in return. Make it so you wouldn’t want another man.
You whispered something to the woman beside you before she nudged you forward and he realized Steve pushed him to move, too. It only took three more steps before he was right in front of you, the gentle smell of your sweet perfume filling his nostrils. Need slammed into his body as you smiled again, and he actually felt the blue of his eyes shrink as his pupils widened.
If Steve thought he was eye fucking you before…
“Hey,” he said, his voice raspier than usual.
“Hi,” you said. It was a voice he could listen to for hours and he wondered what it would sound like when you said his name.
“I’m Bucky.” He took a smaller step closer, trying his damnedest to block out any other man around him so you’d keep those pretty eyes on him.
You introduced yourself, too, and it was a name he would never forget. “I like your tattoos,” you added almost shyly. Almost.
If he had his way, you’d see the rest of them soon enough. “Thanks,” he smiled, holding one hand up to show you. “Dressed like this, I bet you think I’m part of the mob.” After getting dressed and adding the gold jewelry, even he thought for a split second he looked like a mobster.
“Are you or is that information I can’t be privy to?” you asked, making him chuckle. You didn’t skip a beat, and he liked that.
“Not part of the mob, but I am part of a motorcycle club,” he replied. He wore his patch with pride and that didn’t seem to scare you, which was good. “I also own a bar.” He didn’t know why added that part. You didn’t ask and he didn’t want to brag, but there he was.
“So, you ride a motorcycle, and you own a bar?” You glanced back at your friend to ask her, “Do you mind if I…”
“I’m good. You two talk,” your friend smiled, giving Bucky an encouraging wink. He looked back to find that Steve walked away, too.
You smiled as you faced Bucky again. “Well, I’m happy to hear more about either of those things if you have time.”
“Yeah.” A lopsided smile appeared before he could stop it. “I got time,” he said. All the time in the world.
Over the next hour, the two of you stayed close together and talked in between looking at Steve’s pieces. He told you he was there to support Steve and talked a little bit more about the bar he owned. A hole in the wall kind of place he fixed up. While he wasn’t a big drinker, he loved making them for his regulars, and his profession allowed him to get away with all the tattoos.
“I’ll have to stop by sometime,” you smiled before it faltered. “If that’s okay.”
He didn’t want to get his hopes up, but his heart raced, and he wanted to see you smile again. “I’ll hold you to that,” he teased. “What about you? What do you do for work?”
You told him that you were a blood bank nurse and still fairly new to the area. While you didn’t have too many friends nearby, you liked your neighborhood and the one friend you had made invited you to the gallery since she was an art enthusiast. You also let it slip that you were single upon your move here, which he was happy to hear since he was, too, but he didn’t miss the note of sadness in your voice.
He could help fix it if you were lonely.
“I’m not seeing anyone either,” he stated.
You raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “You don’t have an old lady?” His eyes went right to your lip when he bit it. “That is the correct term of endearment, right?”
“That’s right,” he said, his eyes soft. “Both of those things are right.”
You bit your lip again and he wasn’t sure if you were purposely trying to entice him, but now he wanted to bite your lip. “So, do you do anything for fun outside of riding and work?”
He almost groaned when you said “riding” and he had to shake his head to keep his mind from drifting. He couldn’t think of you being on his bike with your arms wrapped tight around him or you riding him or anything like that. “Well…”
He explained that he wrote a bit in his spare time outside of work and the club. It was a hobby mostly, but it would be a dream come true to get his work out there one day. If not, that was okay, too, because he had a decent life and didn’t need much. His bike, his brothers.
But to have an old lady…
“Maybe I could read…” you frowned when you saw the time. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how late it was. I should get going,” you said, disappointment filling both of you.
“Oh.” He scratched the back of his neck. The two of you were having a nice talk, and he hadn’t had a chance to ask about your hobbies yet. “It’s still kinda early. Do you really have to go?” he asked, realizing just how desperate he sounded. God, if the prospects could hear him right now… He just didn’t want the night to end.
“Yeah, I do. I’m actually working a blood drive tomorrow and could use the rest,” you said, smiling sadly. He felt like an ass for asking you to stay when you had work to do. “I don’t know if you’ve heard anything about it, but you’re welcome to stop by if you want to donate. I always have this fear that people won’t show, which I realize sounds ridiculous.”
Bucky mentally kicked his ass for not knowing about a local blood drive. He was usually more on top of those sorts of things. “Where’s it at?” You gave the location and time, which was all he needed. “I’ll be there,” he promised.
And every single club member would be there, too, if they knew what was good for them.
“Really?” you smiled, your hand bumping his when you turned to face him. “You’ll go?”
He let his fingers brush yours and he smiled to himself when he felt the light shiver. “Of course, doll.”
“Doll?” you giggled. He hoped he didn’t offend you. “I hope you show,” you added in a small voice, your gaze focused on the ground.
Frowning a bit, he wondered if you didn’t believe him. Did someone let you down before? “If I say I’ll be there…” He lifted your chin, so you’d look into his eyes. He needed you to see the truth in them. “I’ll be there.”
You exhaled, staring deeply into his eyes. “I’ll see you tomorrow then,” you whispered.
He grudgingly released you, knowing he had to. Besides, if he kept touching you, there was a good chance he’d pin you against the wall and show you what a work of art you were. “Good night,” he whispered, watching you go back to your friend. She linked her arm with yours as you glanced back, keeping your eyes on Bucky until you were out of sight.
He exhaled, mentally kicking his ass again. Why the fuck didn’t he ask for your number? You two hit it off, and you wanted to see him at least in some capacity beyond the blood drive, right?
Steve made a beeline for him as he stayed rooted to the spot. “It looks like you two hit it off. You know you didn’t even say hi to Chris or Sam or-”
“We’re going to a blood drive tomorrow,” he cut in. He hoped people would show, but he gave you his word he’d be there, and the club was all about giving back to the community.
The blonde’s eyebrows pinched. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Blood drive. Tomorrow. Everyone,” he said, giving his friend a hard stare. “You’re the president. Make it happen.”
“You’re the vice president, which means you supervise plans for club events or gatherings. That includes last minute things,” he pointed out, his eyebrows shooting up as Bucky got his phone out and typed quickly. “You’re serious about this?”
“Is it too much to say, ‘You better fucking be there or you’ll pay for it later’?”
The blonde grinned. A shit-eating, knowing grin, and he wanted to smack him. “This is all for her, isn’t it?”
Bucky sighed. He hadn't expected to meet someone so perfect tonight. “She’s a nurse and I wanna help. Besides, it’s good for the community and you’re all about that shit.” And he had to make a better impression after not asking for your number. “Will you at least promise you’ll be there?”
“To watch my whipped best friend fawn over a pretty nurse? Hell yeah.”
“Beautiful,” he corrected him. “She’s beautiful.”
And while Bucky would fawn over you tomorrow, he also hoped he’d get your number.
So, what do we think so far? Part of this writing style was slightly different for me, but I like how it turned out! I still need to give this reader a nickname and the AU a name, but this is a start. I can't wait for the whole club to show up at the blood drive. I also have something silly and cute planned for these two. ❤️ Love and thanks for reading! ❤️
Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi
#navybrat writes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes#biker!bucky barnes#biker!bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes x fanfiction#bucky barnes au#bucky x reader#bucky x female reader#james buchanan barnes#james bucky barnes#sebastian stan#sebastian stan x reader#bucky barnes fanfic#winter soldier#x reader
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okay! here it is!
warnings: 18+!!! mentions of sex, murder, blood, stabbing, obsessive behavior, Nicholas himself is just honestly a warning if i’m honest, kind of angsty towards the end? and i think that’s all, if i missed anything please let me know!
word count: 4.3k
this is modern day but in this fic the Scream movie franchise doesn’t exist so the mask does not have a name is only described a little what it looks like. slightly off the movie as i wanted to give it my own twist.
this was not proofread at all so sorry for any mistakes but i do hope you enjoy it!
Ghostface!Nicholas x Reader!
(implied female but don’t believe i fully specified)
The thing about Ojai California was that it was known to be peaceful and serene, it was one of the reasons why you had moved there. Once you finished college you had decided to move there, a small town, artsy-ish and it was away from the craziness of Los Angeles. Sure, LA was nice and UCLA was an amazing college but you weren’t into that scene much at all. One of your closest friends you made in Los Angeles was, though he was truly built for that life.
You had met him at a small party out in West Hollywood, you don’t even know how you got invited but you went with your roommate at the time. You had met him while getting a drink, no not like in the movies when you pour your drink on someone and all of that, no he literally just poured your drink for you and started up a conversation. No numbers or social media was exchanged that night but anytime you and your roommate had gone out he seemed to always be there and each time you guys would talk until he finally had just asked for your number.
Now you two were attached at the hips. Your other friends would sometimes make jokes about your friendship with him, calling him obsessive and weird but you never saw it like that. Nicholas was just shy and wasn’t like the rest of your friends. All they wanted to do was party and get wasted which there was nothing wrong with that but being friends with Nicholas was like a breath of fresh air. He liked staying in and reading books and watching movies and listening to music. He also wanted to be an actor and you knew he would be a great actor one day.
“I just don’t get why you like him so much. I swear he’s got to be like a secret serial killer or something.” Your friend Alexis says.
“He’s not, stop that, none of you have even tried to get to know him. He’s a sweet guy.” You say. It was another night of being out with your friends and you had asked Nick to tag along, which of course they weren’t happy about but you didn’t care. He had excused himself to go to the bathroom and of course your friends took that as their chance to talk shit and it was pissing you off.
“You only think that because you're in love with him or some shit.” Matthew says and you roll your eyes. You weren’t in love with him but you couldn’t deny the attraction you had for him.
“Alright I think it’s best if Nick and I leave.” You say getting up and ignoring their protests. As you were heading to the bathroom you ran into Nicholas.
“Hey, is everything okay?” He asked, noticing the look on your face.
“No not really, can we go please?” You ask him.
“Of course we can, come on.” He says, placing his hand on the bottom of your back. He looks back towards the table, seeing the way each of your friends look at him, smirking to himself as he looks away.
Nick wasn’t always like this, truly he wasn’t but when he met you, something in him snapped. He became obsessed with you. He needed you more than he needed air and he was going to have you, even if that meant killing every single one of your friends. All they wanted was for you to stay away from him but he wasn’t going to let that happen, no, you were his. They needed to go.
After Nick dropped you off back at your apartment he stayed for a bit while you guys chatted. You confessed to him about how your friends felt, apologizing profusely and reassuring him that you in no way felt the same way. He knew, he knew from the second you looked at him. You saw who Nicholas actually was, who he always was before this obsession started. You had also confessed to him that you and Matthew sort of had a thing but you were over it. He knew you were over it when he managed to hire someone to hack into your computer where he found a conversation between you and your older sister. You had told her all about him and she had been the one to point out your feelings for him. You agreed and mentioned how you were going to end the “complicated” situation you had with Matthew.
Matthew was first on his list. He was Nicholas’s competition so of course he needed to be the first to go. He also knew some things about him which made his hatred for him even worse. You and Nick had said your goodbyes and he took off back to his apartment. He set all his stuff down on the little table by his door before heading to his room to get the special voice changing device he bought to make his phone calls. He could have gone and killed him right away but where was the fun in that? He wanted to toy with Matthew, making him completely lose his mind before he killed him, it was all a part of Nicholas’s game.
He grabbed his burner phone he bought and dialed Matthew's number, bringing the phone to his ear and having a satisfied smirk on his face when Matthew answered.
“Who’s this?” He asked.
“Hello Matthew.” Nick says, his voice coming out menacing just like he had hoped for.
“What the fuck, that doesn’t tell me who you are. Prank calls died in the mid 2000's, loser. Fuck off.” The phone clicks and Nick smirks to himself, giving it a while before he calls Matthew you again. “Okay seriously who the fuck are you, quit harassing me.”
“No you listen to me you piece of shit, you’re playing my game now on my fucking time when I say stop, we’ll stop.” Nicholas snaps his patience, already weighing thin.
“Ooo am I supposed to be scared of someone on a phone? Please, have a nice night freak.” The phone clicks again making Nick clench his jaw.
“Fine you want to play this the hard way, we’ll play it the fucking hard way.” He mumbles to himself.
A few days had gone by since the initial phone calls, Nicholas was supposed to make more but he let his anger get the better of him. He had pulled up in front of Matthews apartment building around 11 o’clock, parking his car a ways down, the plates changed for safety measures. He gets out of the car and makes his way into the building completely unseen as he maneuvers around after mesmerizing every detail of the layout in this building. He knew where the cameras pointed and when they shifted. He knew what places he could walk through without being seen. The less eyes on the situation the better. He made his way to the third floor of the building, finding the door of Matthews apartment, bending down to his knees and swiftly picking the lock before letting himself in. He roams the apartment for a moment to make sure no one else was there before he makes his way to Matthew's bedroom. There he laid, fast asleep in his bed in a sleep so deep there would be no way he would wake up anytime soon, not even to what Nick was about to do to him. And maybe that was Nicks doing from earlier in the day.
Nicholas stood at the foot of the bed, head to toe in black along with a white mask, the eyes and mouth so black there was no telling who was under the mask. He walks closer before raising his hand up high with the knife shining a little in the moonlight before he lays stab after stab after stab into Matthew’s back unable to stop himself for a moment before he groans and steps back, looking at Matthew’s mangled back, a sick smile on his face as he tilts his head and watches his blood soak his bed and drip to the floor. There was a thrill to this, a thrill Nicholas never felt before, and he wanted more. He brings his hand covered with a glove and wipes the knife off before he walks out of the apartment, once again avoiding a single person. His heart was pumping as he stripped himself of his costume once he managed to make it back to his car, leaning back in his seat as he caught his breath, a sadistic smirk on his face. He grabs the mask and looks at it for a moment, seeing Matthews splattered blood covering the mask, bringing his thumb in a little and wiping some of the blood off, admiring it on his thumb in the moonlight.
“One down, only a few more to go doll, and then you will be all fucking mine and not a single person will get in my way.” He whispers, sticking his tongue out and dragging the blood onto his tongue, a chill going down his spine before sets the mask down and takes off into the night.
You groan out a little as your phone rings for a third time, realizing you can no longer avoid it as much as you tried. You reached for it, almost dropping it as you do before answering it.
“Hello?” You mumble.
“He’s dead!” You hear Alexis scream into the phone causing a chill to shoot down your spine as you sit up quickly.
“Who is?” You asked.
“Matthew! I came to his place this morning to find him dead!” She creams some more. Your ears started ringing and everything felt like it was going in slow motion as the room spun as you got out of bed. Your phone has dropped as you quickly walk over to put your shoes on, grabbing your keys and phone, hanging up as you run out into the living room. You open the door to find Nicholas on the other side, arm raised as he was about to knock.
“Hey, whoa, what's going on, you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” He questions. He was right there and yet his voice sounded a million miles away. “Doll? You’re scaring me.”
“M-Matthews dead.” You breathe out.
“What? How?” His voice sounded panicked as he pulled you into his embrace.
“I don’t know, will you take me to his apartment please?” You whisper into his chest.
“Of course, come on.” He walks with you out of your apartment, arms around you tightly, helping you into his car before he gets in as well. He has to wait for you to tell him how to get there as he’s not supposed to know before he takes off, ‘missing’ a few turns here and there before he finally pulls into the complex. You don’t even wait for him to fully park before you rush out of his car, spotting Alexis right away and heading straight to her. You pull her in for a tight hug as you both cry.
“It was brutal, it wasn’t just some freak thing like breaking and entering, someone deliberately wanted to kill him. He was stabbed over thirty times they’re guessing and his back was so mangled and the wounds were so deep they went through his body as time went on. Who would do such a thing?” Alexis whispered, your stomach dropping as the mental image is painted into your mind. You hear footsteps behind you and you glance over to see a distressed Nick. Alexis saw him too and scoffed.
“Really, you brought him? He didn’t know Matthew like we did.” She says, not caring if he could hear her, in fact she hopes he did.
“I needed someone to drive me, and he was clearly coming over to see me anyway. I don’t see the issue, he knew Matthew enough, stop it.” You whispered, causing her to pull away and walk away from you. You sigh before turning to Nicholas.
“I’m sorry I should have stayed in the car. I was just so worried about you and Alexis, I can’t imagine the pain you two are feeling.” He breathes out but you shake your head and hug him tightly.
“I’m glad you’re here.” You say into his chest. He wraps his strong arms around you and holds you tightly to his chest, his dark eyes locked on Alexis as she talks to police. He knew he was going to have as much fun killing her as he did Matthew, he just needed to wait for the right moment.
The town was shaken up with the murder of Matthew which meant that for a while Nicholas needed to stay low and what easier way then staying with you? It actually wasn’t even his idea, it was yours. You had told him about how for a few days you were getting creepy phone calls much like Matthew you had and your fear was skyrocketing. Did Nick do that to push you to have him stay with you? Maybe. As time had gone on and people in the town settled again thinking it truly was just some freak thing that happened to Matthew, Nick started planning his next kill. But it was hard to focus when as of the last week you were all over him, not that he minded but he wanted that rush of a murder again. He was itching to kill Alexis as she kept trying to take you away from him.
You, completely clueless to everything in Nicholas’s mind obviously, just for some reason craved him. I mean as mentioned before you always wanted him but this was not just love but lust and lots of it. Maybe it was the way he cared about you so much, or the way that he was willing to stay with you day and night to keep you safe. Or maybe it was the damn way he would come back to your apartment after a two hour gym session, tank thrown over his shoulder, his body dripping in sweat, and those soft grunts he made as he made his way to the guest room, but you were going to go for the first option on the list.
Normally you weren’t like this, you had someone to fulfill that desire but obviously that was no longer a thing. So one afternoon, when Nick walked through the door of your apartment you basically jumped him and you both ended up having sweaty, post gym sex on your kitchen floor and it sent your mind reeling. The way his strong arms held you tightly, the sounds he made, the way his hand fit so perfectly around your throat. He had a mix of praising and degrading you, the degrading taking you off guard but leaving you desperate for more. And his cock? Maybe you were being dramatic when you said this but it was truly a moment of will it fit? And man did Nick make it fit, over and over again until you were a fucked out, cock drunk mess on your kitchen floor. When he saw the way he had, it sent a pride in him knowing that he made you feel that way and he was going to be the only one to do so. He had picked you up gently and carried you to your bathroom where he gave you the best aftercare of your life. And that was it for you. Everytime he would walk through the door you guys would fuck all over your apartment until every inch was no longer left untouched.
It was as if you were addicted to him, in actually more than just a sexual manner as well. You needed him, you felt obsessed with him almost. But it would never compare to the deep feeling of his obsession with you, no he made sure to keep that at bay. Finally one night, as much as he didn’t want to, he had to stop your sexcapades.
“I’m sorry baby, I promised Samuel and Antonio I would hang with them for a couple hours tonight, oh please don’t make that face doll, you know it makes me weak. Look I promise it will only be three hours tops and when I get back I’ll eat this pretty little pussy until you’re an overstimulated little mess. Nothing in return I promise, it will be all about you, and you know how much I get pleasure from giving you pleasure. Is it a deal?” He asked with a bit of a pout.
You looked at him for a moment before you sigh and nod your head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be keeping you in all the time, I just…I’m still scared.” You whisper.
“Oh baby I know, but it will be quick and keep the door locked, I’ll take my key and just stay in your room okay?” You have those special curtains in there so not a single soul will know anyone is here alright. And you know I’ll answer your call right away alright?”
“Alright, have fun, and be safe please, I would be lost without you.” And that wasn’t a lie, you knew you would be lost without him. He smiles as he leans in and gives you a sweet yet super passionate kiss before he gets up to get ready.
He looked at the time on his phone again, he now had about 2 and a half hours left as you ended up getting your way and he fucked you a couple times to keep you happy while he went out. He was watching Alexis from across the way, his car hidden pretty well as he waited for her shift to end. He didn’t have to do the full two hours if he was honest but he wanted to drag out her death a little, he wanted to hear her scream or her life as she looked into his mask, desperate to see a hint of who was behind the mask, knowing it wouldn't matter as she would be long dead after anyway. So if she ended up seeing him, he didn’t care. As soon as her shift was over, she got into her car and drove off back to her place, Nicholas following behind about two cars. When she got to her house, a gift from her parents, he waited until she got inside, and her guard was fully down.
After a moment he got out of his car and made his way around, once again unseen as he made his way to the back where he found out she never kept her door locked. He hid in some bushes and pulled out his burner phone and called her.
“Hello?” She asked as she walked around her kitchen, getting ready to make a snack while she watched a movie.
“Hello.” Nick breathed out.
“Uh, yes?” Alexis questions after a moment of silence.
“Who is this?” Nicholas asked. Alexis looked at her phone for a second before bringing it back to her ear.
“You called me, who were you trying to reach though?” She asked as she continued walking around her kitchen mindlessly.
“What number is this?” He asked, teasing her and knowing he was pissing her off.
“Listen dipshit I don’t know what this is but I’m hanging up.” She says, about to end the call.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, you’re playing my game and it doesn’t end until I say so.” Nick snaps. He knew the game was actually about to end, in fact the real game was going to be chasing her around her house before he brutally stabs her to death.
‘Fuck you.” The line cuts off and Nick goes into action, sneaking his way into the house. He stood in the perfect spot that reflected his reflection onto the window above the sink but also in the same spot where he could quickly duck and avoid her catching him if she turned around. He stood there for a moment, head tilted as he watched her every move until she finally made her way to the kitchen sink, lancing up for a moment then looking down then back up again as she gasped and turned around.
“Hello.” She called out and Nicholas shook his head. Has this bitch not seen a single scary movie? You never call out to the killer. He can hear her grab a knife, making her way around the kitchen where he waited, hidden enough for her to have to check twice to see him. Once she was close enough he grabbed her ankle and yanked her to the ground before getting on top of her, their arms wrestling around as she tried to stab him. She did manage to push him off as he allowed her, having her moment to stab him but instead she ran and Nicholas sighed. She really had her chance to slow him down and she didn’t. He got up and ran after her, her screams filling the house but not a single person outside was able to hear her. He had almost got her a couple times but she was a bit faster than he thought. Finally in a rush of adrenaline she managed to slice his thigh, making him hiss before he finally had enough. He got up and managed to get her trapped in a room where he grabbed the back of her head and smack it into a wall before throwing her down, raising his hand an stabbing her over and over again just as he did Matthew, the adrenaline of it all hitting him as he smiled wickedly as he watched her take her last breath, fear in her eyes. He stabbed her a couple more times for his own pleasure before he got up, wiping the knife with his gloved hand and leaving the scene. He would tip off the cops tomorrow, pretending to be a family member saying that they hadn’t heard from her in awhile and how that was not normal. And let them handle the rest from there.
When he got to his car he was still amped up, so he quickly rid himself of his maks and the costume, putting on the clothes he wore out before he paused, noticing the semi deep cut on his thigh.
“Fucking bitch.” He huffed, yanking his jeans on and driving back to your apartment.
When he got back it was him who jumped you this time as soon as he walked through the door, basically ripping your clothes off as he kissed you.
“Good night?” You questioned, giggling a little as he stripped you naked.
“Best fucking night ever.” He says, pulling his clothes off, about to pick you up until you gasped when you saw his thigh.
“Nicholas what happened?” Fuck, he saw it, yet he didn’t think to cover it, his high from the kill to strong.
“Huh, oh that? You know how the guys are, they get wild.” He tries to pick you up again but you wouldn’t let him.
“That looks bad, we need to get you to a hospital.” You say quickly putting your clothes back on in case, helping him pull his jeans back up before he steps back.
“It’s fine.” He breathes out, his chest rising and falling rapidly.
“Nick, clearly it's not, your thigh is soaked in blood.” You say and he can't help but let out a laugh, a laugh that makes you feel uneasy.
“Oh come on, it’s just a little cut now would you just fucking relax?” He normally wouldn’t be like this with you but his mindstate wasn’t fully back yet and that was his mistake. He should have waited to come back to you.
“Oh excuse me for caring about you.” You snap at him and it makes him snap.
“Care about me? Oh, I don’t think so, doll. No see if you cared about me you would have stopped being friends with Alexis and Matthew the second they kept running their mouths about me, but no, you remained their friends. You let them say all these awful things about me that were never true, barely defended me to them. And don’t get me started on the others, which I’ll handle them eventually.” He says looking at you, a dark and sinister look in his eyes. “See baby this all could have been avoided if you would have just stopped fucking talking to those low life mother fuckers but you didn’t did you? DID YOU?!” He screams in your face.
“Nicholas, you're scaring me.” You whisper as you step back from him a little, making him laugh more as he looks at you, frustrated tears filling his eyes.
“Scared of me? I’m protecting you! I did what I had to, to protect you, to make sure no one took you away from me. And now no one will.” He says pulling the knife out and pointing it at you. “And you doll, you’re going nowhere now, you’re mine forever.”
“Nick, wh-what did you do?” Your eyes well up with tears as you tremble.
“Oh baby, I killed them. But you see they left me no choice, they wanted you to stay away from me, to leave me. And like I just said, that is never happening.” He blinks back his frustrated tears as he steps closer to you, grabbing you harshly and pulling you against him, knife held to your throat. “Say it, say you’re not going anywhere.”
“Nick…” You cry out.
“SAY IT!” He screams.
“I’m not going anywhere.” You cry out.
“That’s right baby, shh it's okay, it's all okay.” His tone changes as he tosses the knife on the couch and hugs you tightly, his fingers brushing through your hair as he shushes you. “It’s just you and me now doll, just you and me forever.” “He whispers.
taglist: @nicholaschavezslut69 @blackynsupremacy
#Ghostface!Nicholas x reader#Nicholas Alexander Chavez x reader#Nicholas Chavez x reader#nicholas alexander chavez
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hey actually isn’t there something kind of really sad about the fact that the hardest difficulty (that isn’t just like. hell or hell. which is just ‘haha hehe Blow up.’) is called Dante Must Die. i think about it a lot. i can’t quite put my finger on why it makes me miserable but maybe someone else can.
but you know what i CAN talk about and i DO have actual fully formed thoughts about?
regenerating like crazy is great. but isn’t there something kind of inherently fucked up about the fact that, because of the regeneration dante and vergil have, neither of them will ever have tangible evidence to themselves or others of their suffering? asking themselves, was it really that bad? did it even happen at all? no matter how much you put vergil through hell and how afraid he is inside, there will never be a mark on his skin that says “i have suffered”. the world leaves no proof, nothing to take home from this experience aside from a more broken mind. vergil doesn’t say his feelings, or even allow them to surface properly, because that’s a kind of vulnerability he cannot handle. the only way he could perhaps earn someone’s sympathetic care is by expressing what he has suffered through, but he cannot verbalize that. and he looks perfect. unmarked by time or trauma. there isn’t a single part of his body that could scream out for him that something horrible has happened that he cannot figure out how to deal with alone.
and dante is just as poor off. and he’s very difficult to figure out emotionally to a passerby. dante purposefully puts on a happy face every day, and to the majority of the world, it’s convincing. there’s certainly no evidence to themselves contrary. not a scratch on him. but he is like kind of constantly getting the ever loving fuck beat out of him. stabbed and jabbed. when you look at him, you see happy, sweet, goofy dante. for all the years of pain he’s gone through, there isn’t a single marred inch of his skin that could tell you even a day of the agony unless he told you. and why would dante do that when he can pretend it simply isn’t happening until he’s alone and can sit with the terror that’s constantly in him and the loss he’s been living with, over and over losing people and being surrounded by the ghosts of their presence. whether the ghost is a wayward descendent, a gun, or just a lingering smell of ash in his childhood home. but that will only be private. he can be the walking dead, he can treat himself like shit, but his body refuses to show anything for it. and he’s certainly not going to die.
obviously, the same thing can be said for the opposite side of the spectrum: scars can be a constant reminder in the mirror of what happened that you cannot erase, always to some degree a part of you. among other stuff. so both sides of the coin are full of The Pains and The Anguishes.
on a side note, i really like when people give them like, one scar. i don’t really have a favorite one that people give vergil but i really like dante with just the one bigass gnarly one in the middle of his abdomen from the rebellion gettin jammed in there. his One scar. a treate. like it defies his regeneration somehow.
i love making a scarred up guy. i have plenty of scars n marks myself, and i feel like they should definitely be more normalized, so like, no this post isn’t anti scars or something. they’re normal and not ugly or whatever the hell people try to say. this side note is probably entirely unnecessary, but i’m tired and i’m worried about someone misunderstanding me i think. anyway i’m trying to say ooh scar angst yeah but sometimes No scars is also fucked up too. that’s the point here.
to sum up: i believe there can be something Fucked Up and angsty to be said about the fact that the sparda boys heal perfectly fine, but only externally. it is 3am. this is not articulated as well as it could be i don’t think. aaaand post.
#dmc#devil may cry#dante sparda#vergil sparda#dante devil may cry#vergil devil may cry#headcanons#dmc headcanons#ouch owie ooh owie ouch#its 3am
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Project Eden's Garden CH 1 thoughts
hey so this probably isn't gonna be coherent at all cause i just finished the chapter and it took my like 12 hours to finish it so i have not slept but i just need to get my thoughts out lol
uh anyway major spoilers for the whole chapter you have been warned
so for the chapter as a whole i had a great time playing it! you can really see all the love and care put into this project. that being said, this chapter was CARRIED by it's deadly life/trial section, at least in my opinion. the daily life wasn't like terrible by any means it just didn't feel like a whole lot happened? the days felt really short, like the day you explore the new area is literally, wake up, meet in the dining hall briefly, explore the new area, and then go to bed. i was like ????? how is the day already done what. and then when the motive was introduced it was a bit lackluster, the concept was really cool with the pictures and the vague messages for the blackmail, but then we barely find out what anyone's information and the few people we do find out isn't super bad (expect for wolfgang kind of, maybe?), hell damon is not once concerned about the motive and none of the other characters seem all that concerned about it either which i think kinda brings the tension and stakes down. it's pretty evident when you find out the killer's motive as nothing to do with the blackmail and they weren't even concerned over their own blackmail so they have to create an entirely separate motive with the whole traitor perk thing, and it's not like that came out of thin air cause you're told about the secret prize from the get go i just don't get why they didn't use the motive they already made instead of revealing it all at the end of the trial from tozu.
ok whoops getting kind of off topic there but yeah daily life, it just felt like there could have been more, maybe it just has to do with the kind of guy damon is, but it kind of felt like we were dragging our feet from time to time idk maybe im just insane.
as for deadly life, holy shit they made some ballsy decisions here. can't really say whether they were good ones yet or not since we still have 5(?) more chapters but i have to respect the devs for who the first victim and killer ended up being (i'll get to them later). i remember thinking (man this is a pretty long investigation lol), although it probably didn't help that it took me forever to find the blood in the hallway i was genuinely so confused as to what i was missing I went back into all of the storage closets and like triple checked i had exgauhsted all dialogue, and then i was trying the move my mouse all over the place to see if there was anything else to search and then i finally found it.
the trial was so fucking fun, as devastated as i was due to who the victim was it was a ton of fun figuring out the crime and i genuinelly thought it was gonna be diana and i was gonna be done with the trial in about 2 hours and only to hit and intermission and realize i hadn't used like half my evidence yet. the mechanism of the crime was really cool too and i had a lot of fun solving it, even if i did start to lose the plot when it came to the stuff of the cord and the vent but that might've just been me being tired. I will say i did not enjoy the bullet hell argument whatever it's called at the very end, the artwork was really cool but it took me FOREVER to beat it, and myabe that's just cause i'm bad at video games but ti was so frustrating getting to stage 3 multiple times then loosing all of my health and having the start all over again. i think it would have been better if you run of of health you have to start from the beginning of whatever stage you died on but hey maybe i just suck at the game idk.
okay now on to some more character specific stuff, first of all WOLFGANG AKIRE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU GAHHHH
ugh i'll admit it, i'm actually devastated he died first like seriously thank god the trial was as good as it was cause i might have stopped playing if it wasn't lol. in all seriousness though i was so excited for how he'd handle someone killing and all of the reprecussions with that only for him to die first lol. i really hope that this isn't the last we get to hear about him though, like i hope he's not just like a passing thought in ch 2 and then never mentioned again kind of a thing like hopefully he'll be plot relevant in the future or something idk i just want more wolfgang he's my fav BRING HIM BACKKKK. maybe we'll get to learn more about him through grace cause i'm now like 99% sure they knew each other before this whole mess lmao i mean come on grace wanted to be roomies with him and she was so fucking devastated by him dying and didn't want people poking around his room like come on.
and just everything you find out about his situation in the trial is just devastating oh my godddd. i was really worried they were gonna pull the whole "omg guys wolfgang was killed in self-defense and he was actually terrible this whole time and you all should have believed me(damon) cause i was right all along memememememe" and they didn't thank god. just that whole scene where diana reveals their confrontation was just so good like that is one of my top fangan scenes of all time now. just all the stuff he was saying revealing stuff about his character that might NEVER BE ELABORATED ON CAUSE HES FUCKING DEAD NOW WTFFFF WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS. and the voice acting was fucking incredible holy shit NAD THE FUCKING SPRITE WORK OH MY GOD THAT SHIT WAS AMAZING. the sprites for wolfgang and eva (i'll get to her later) were so fucking good i mean just look at this shit
LIKE THIS IS DEVESTATING TO ME LIKE HOLY FUCK BRO I NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN UR HEAD AND NOW I NEVER WILL CAUSE UR DEAD UGHHHHHH
it's really funny cause i actually ended up doing all of his FTEs not knowing he was gonna die
now let's talk about eva cause holy fuck girl. i remember after the prologue she was one of my least favorite characters, cause it felt like her whole personality was "ooooo look at how mysterious and cool I am ooooooooo", but then you get the reveal that she lied about being the ultimate liar and you get her normal talent and she actually shows an actual personality and is a video game nerd i was like "omg yes i'm loving the p:eg team's take on this!" and she was moving up my character tier list ranking very quickly, and then she was revealed as the killer and she tried to pin everything on damon and then her reasons for killing wolfgang in the first place and she went right back down to the bottom LMAO. not because i thought she had bad writing or something but at the end of the day her motivations for taking the perk were pretty selfish and while i agree that wolfgang shouldn't have been trying to isolate her like that she kind of put a target on herself for no reason by lying about her talent like girl what did you think was going to happen lol. also her execution was fucking brutal, it looked incredible but damn was it brutal, she didn't need to go out like that omg.
as for some other characters, always gonna love my girls grace and cassidy they were a delight as always and i look forward to seeing more of them, diana went up on my tier list and i'm looking forward to seeing where her character goes from here, i'm also really loving jean a lot but he feels a little too helpful so i fear he might die next chapter lol.
i feel like there's more i have to say but im so tried lol so yeah have whatever this is lol. overall i had a great time playing and everyone did an amazing job working on it (even if i am really upset you killed my fav), i look forward to whatever the next chapter brings!
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Do you have any thoughts on Batman having “agents” (sometimes subtle, sometimes not) on various teams? This comes purely from my notion of Cassandra Cain being the straight man in a Justice League International book
To be honest, I have a kneejerk negative reaction to it, because it feels like there are two immediate potential pitfalls:
The agent character is written as just an extension of Bruce, without their own personality and ethical framework. Like, you used Cass as an example, and she's arguably the closest in alignment with Bruce's mission and goals, but she's still her own person and, when written well, is not going to blindly obey him or make only the exact same decisions he would. Someone like Jason or Steph? Forget about it.
The book becomes all about Bruce when he's not even on the team. I could see this happening whether the agent character is doing everything he says, or pushing back aggressively. Bruce is in enough books, I don't need him worming his way into any more.
I wracked my brain to think of positive examples and funnily enough, the two examples I came up with were times that the character in question isn't working with Bruce/using Bruce's methods, but it is believed that they are:
The Young Justice arc right after everyone finds out that Bruce has contingency plans against the Justice League, when the kids want to know if Tim has contingency plans against them (he doesn't). Bruce doesn't even show up, because it's not actually about him - it's about Tim's relationship with his team and whether or not they can trust him when he hasn't even told them his secret identity after literal years. It's GREAT.
The Outsiders 2003 bit where Roy confesses that he's been getting intel on all their missions from Batman, and Dick throws a huge tantrum because he and Bruce aren't really getting along and he doesn't appreciate essentially being tricked into working for Bruce. Eventually he calms down and goes to the Batcave and is like "Hey sorry I freaked out about you working with Arsenal" and Bruce is like "...I'm not working with Arsenal" and Dick calls Roy who is meeting with Batman on a roof and is like "Um...what are you doing right now?" and Roy's like "Talking to Batman" and Dick's like "NO YOU'RE NOT" and it turns out the person Roy thought was Batman this whole time is Slade in disguise. Which is especially funny because the man has a beard. Like, has Roy spent so long looking at Ollie's goatee that he doesn't process facial hair anymore? Anyway then Slade kicks Roy's ass and scampers off into the night, but that story also isn't about Bruce. It's a little bit about Dick and Roy's relationship, but it's mostly about Slade beating Roy up while telling him "I wanted to take you for a test drive to see how you handle on the open road" (I SHIT YOU NOT HE SAYS THIS IN THE COMIC) and then cutting his shirt open with a sword (Roy also did not notice that Beard Batman HAS A SWORD) and ogling his bare chest and bullet scars. It's literature.
Ahem. I've gotten a little bit away from my point here, but basically...there's no need to make a Bat be Bruce's agent on a team when they can just...be on a team as themselves. They do it all the time. Cass is on Birds of Prey right now and she's an absolute delight.
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I just finished the final TF2 comic (yes it’s actually out in case you didn’t know) and i just wanna make a post to dump my initial thoughts about it
Big spoilers below, of course…
- Damn Merasmus got JACKED. I was wondering what happened to him.
- I actually fucking burst out laughing when Soldier just whipped out a piece of Australium. Of COURSE Soldier would just happen to be in possession of a shit ton of Australium without even knowing. That’s the most tf2 way they could have resolved that.
- Y’know, the reveal that the Administrators big master plan was just a plot to ruin the Mann family feels appropriate. Like the plot of tf2 was centered on the war between Redmond and Bluarch, so that feels like a continuation of the whole “pointless violence” theme.
- Miss Pauling straight up lying to the Adminstrator’s face about the Australium made me gasp. It really puts into perspective how much of a… disappointment this whole thing must be in Pauling’s eyes. The enigmatic scheme she dedicated her whole life to and killed countless people for, was nothing but 100+ years of bitter revenge on a man who’s basically just a corpse by now. A bitter revenge scheme she doesn’t want to see keep going, so she betrays the person she spent her whole life serving and lets her finally waste away and die so it can all finally end.
- “It was worth it.” Jesus. So even after finally realizing how pointless her revenge scheme was, the Administrator doesn’t even care. She was so consumed by hatred for Zepheniah that simply knowing he suffered for over a century was enough. By her own admission, she doesn’t even really remember what he did to warrant it.
- Glad to see that Pauling got rid of the remaining Australium. I was worried what would happen, with all those shots of her staring at it. But after seeing what happened to the Administrator, how many lives were destroyed in pursuit of it, she made the right choice.
- Scout last name reveal????
- So I guess the mercs are finally, fully retired now. Nice to see them all finally move on.
- How many kids did Scout have??? I thought the whole “God’s gift to women” thing was just because it was his own personal heaven, but nope, I guess he really is.
- Ahhh the whole Smissmas part is amazing!! Spy with his mask off!! All the mercs are still in touch!
- HEY WAIT IS THAT THE PYRO’S MASK ON THE TABLE AT THE END???
- Oh my GOD I love teenage Olivia so much. I didn’t even think we’d see her again! Plus her ending was great, she gets to live her own life out of her father’s shadow.
- And of course, the comic started with Hale, so we end with Hale. Even in his winter years he’s still doing what he does best: beating the shit out of wildlife.
I think that’s all the thoughts I have, at least for now. I might reblog this with some more thoughts, idk. Either way, goddamn what a sendoff. This was SO worth the wait.
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[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.
#cw gore#WEEEE WHIPPING OUT ALL MY BELOVED PIXEL HORROR GAME SOUNDTRACKS FOR THIS ONE#STILL A WIP#SORTA. FORKSFORKSFORKS INSPIRED ME TO START WORKIN AT IT AGAIN. AND NOW IT LIVES. IT LIIIVEESS!!!#MOSLT.Y ATLEAST. I MIGHT MESS W IT MORE LATER. WE SHALL SEE. ANYWAY GABRIEL MONTEZ HUH. WOW POOR GUY#THERES A FASCINATING FEELING THAT COMES WITH BEING ON A OPERATING TABLE.AND BEING IN IMMENSE PAIN#ONE OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES IS LAYING ON A DENTIST CHAIR. SHAKING AND INVOLUNTARILY CRYING AFTER MANY MANY#NEEDLES TO MY THE MOUTH. I METABOLIZE THE NUMBING STUFF QUICKLY APPARENTLY. THEY NEEDED ALOT OF NUMBING SHOTS#BUT I WASNT AFRAID OR DISTRESSED. THE DENTIST WAS VERYVERY NICE AND ALSO UH. PRETTY. BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT#THE POINT IS. THAT IT WAS FASCINATING TO REALIZE MY PHYSICAL RESPONSE TO PAIN UNDER A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT#I DIDNT KNOW HOW EASY IT WAS TO SHAKE AND TO CRY PRYVIOUS TO THAT EXPERIENCE.MY DENTAL ADVENTURES CONTINUE#THEY CONTINUE TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE FOR PAIN TO BOIL AWAY THE TIME. TO DISTORT THE PASSING HOURS AND CONSUME EVERY THOUGHT#DO YOU REMEMBER PAIN? THE MOST SEVERE PAIN IN YOUR LIFE? NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE RED LIGHTS? RED LIGHTS AND SHIFTING FIGURES#NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE PAIN UNRELENTING.PAIN WORLD SHATTERING.PAIN IMMORTAL.CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PULLED APART#THE HUMAN MIND CAN ONLY WITHSTAND SO MUCH PAIN BEFORE IT SHUTS DOWN AND HIDES.IT NEEDS TO PROTECT ITSELF AFTERALL. PAIN CAN ALTER#PAIN SHIFTS THE CHEMISTY OF THE MIND OF THE FLESH OF THE SOUL. FOR HUMANS ATLEAST. BUT YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN#YOU CHOSE OTHERWISE DIDNT YOU BOY.BECAUSE YOU WANTED MORE.STATUS.POWER.APPROVAL.SECURITY.SAFET.Y.#OHHH YOU CAN WITHSTAND THE PAIN FOR THAT. FOR ALL THAT. YOU WERENT TOLD THERE WOULD BE PAIN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE PROMISED.#ITS ALL WORTH IT IN THE END. NOW LETS JUST HOPE SOME BLONDE TWERP DOESNT PROVE TO BE STRONGER THAN THE STRONGEST PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE#LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. I LOST MY TRAIN O THOUGHT#anyway dawww poorr gabeee that shit probably huuurrrrtttss but so much time has passed that your body got tired of screaming and squirming#why havnt you passed out yet? maybe you might as well have at this point. like sleeping with your eyes open and your nerves awake#OH HEY FUNFACT ABT THE ART. I FOUGHT W IT ALOT. TOOK A LONG WHILE FOR ME TO BE REMOTELY HAPPY W THIS.#i was thinking abt pixel horror video games when i made it.just as i do with all great things ofc ofc#i love you pixel horror game i love yooouuuuu.i struggled so much w the colors for so LONNGG UHGHGHGH but im finally happy...im finally fre
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"You're on a path in the woods"
An experiment in a lil animation made me wanna talk about my stp au that I have been teasing for days now.
So, without further adu, I hereby give you my AU.
SLAY THE PRINCESS: THE FIRST DRAFT
Loosely inspired by "[Tumblr] Plays STP" accounts floating around.
This follows the tale of the Narrator's first attempt at the Construct, when he was still testing the limits of this prison, and if the task of slaying the "Princess" was even feasible. As an Echo, he didn't want to risk the Long Quiet not obeying his orders, so he got a "volunteer", a mortal, to see if she would obey. He needs to be sure his will won't be challenged, before waking up the Long Quiet as a mortal. But what he got instead changed the very nature of the Construct, and maybe, the nature of the slumbering deities inside...
More details under the cut if you're interested (spoilers galore so read at your own risk):
I have had this au for, roughly, a month or so. This was just shared to my bf and some mutual and I never intended to even bring it to light. But with my voices having clear influences from this lil AU, I felt the need to at least make a post so you can understand how my Voices are the way they are, and maybe get you a glimpse into how I see the Construct, the Shifting Mound Long Quiet.
So this is just a compilation of my ideas, in no particular order:
Note: I used "Larry" as the character and "Long Quiet" as the Deity.
The [MAIN CHARACTER]:
You can call her "the Player" or "Ley" (i didn't have a real name for her), if you wanna keep it simple. She is an oc of mine (one I basically used as a atand-in to insert into whatever hyperfixation I gotten into this week). Her story in this AU is that she's a simple mortal that got caught in the Narrator's plans. She was meant as the "Beta reader" of this tale, and wasn't meant to survive even one Chapter, if she did as the Narrator said. But obviously, she wouldn't. That's a problem the Narrator came across early on: her free will and mortal experiences dictated her actions way more than intended. He had to urge her PRETTY hard, and in the end, she saved the princess, which lead to her first: the Prisoner.
When she saved that Princess, she inadvertently awakened the Gods slumbering inside. The Shifting Mound was the most obvious, taking the Prisoner and asking her to go back and collect more perspective. The Long Quiet, is more complicated. He is still in deeper slumber, but what is awake are the Voices. Without the Long Quiet, they latched onto the other sapient mind, the Player, and started guiding her. However, since she was just a mortal, and not a blank slate like the Canon Larry, she ended up changing the Voices as well. They picked up on concepts from her mind, and their humanoid appearance and personalities reflected that.
Her advantages are that since she is a full pledge human, her ability to think is more wide open, as such, she can do things that Larry wouldn't consider (for example: breaking the Princess out of her chain in Chapter 1 by using the Pristine Blade to cut it). Following that, certain routes are "locked" to her, simply because some routes required specific actions that no one would think about, on their first run (The MOC, the Wraith and Greys,... are examples). Not to mention the new avenues she could discover from simply being different from Larry.
With that being said, Shifty can still "push" her to certain routes, if it will bring her a new perspective, so while in the first few routes, Ley has a lot of control, but the options narrowed down, as Shifty starts getting REALLY specific. That is one of many drawbacks I thought for her. Another is the "2 voice" rule. As a mortal, she cannot handle more than 2 voices (and the Narrator permanently has a spot) so for each run, she only has one voice accompanying her at all times, and a voice is added only in Chapter 2, and never chapter 3. Some that may not even appear in their canon chapter 2 routes, leading to some new situations for all parties.
The Voices:
The Voices, as stated previously, are influenced by this mortal mind. While they do align with canon pretty tightly, her mind brought with them flexibility and the capacity to change rather drastically. Their appearance is the main sign of this. If it was Larry, then they look vaugly like him with little distinguishing features. But because Ley has such a big memory, they have a wide range of tropes, faces and fashion to dabble into. Some even deciding on things their Canon counterparts never would consider (Hero, Contra, Cheated and Broken being women for one, and Oppy feeling remorse).
Their routes to earn them are also different, because she has a different reaction to the Princess, though some stay the same. Here is the list (some of them are fan Princesses) of what I thought of.( And note that not all of them reach Chapter 3 because after chapter 2, she has normally detemrined what to do with the Princess):
♡ Hero: The Prisoner [FREED]
♡ Stubborn: The Razor -> the Arms Race [SLAIN]
♡ Smitten: the Tower -> (maybe) The Apotheosis [SLAIN]
♡ Opportunist: the Witch -> The Thorn [FREED]
♡ Skeptic: the Nightmare [FREED]
♡ Broken: the Beast -> the (wounded) Wild [FREED]
♡ Contrarian: The Stranger -> The Star (fan princess i will draw one day) [TAKEN]
♡ Cold: the Damsel -> the Belle (fan princess I will also draw one day) [RESCUED]
♡ Cheated: The Adversary -> the Fury [FREED]
♡ Paranoid: The Spectre [FREED]
♡ Hunted: The Huntress (again, will draw this fan princess one day) [SLAIN]
Regardless of how she earned them, at the end, after Shifty retrieved the vessel, they will always end up in the mirror. Rather than fade away, The Player will see how she sees the Voice in the mirror. They still feel cold and still fear death, but the Player comforted them for a short time, and have a talk, before feathers wrapped around them, returning them to the Quiet. She will never see the same voice twice, as the route to open them is closed. But the Long Quiet is slowly shifting with each new voice. He, like his other half, is slowly waking up.
(Potential) Endings:
I don't really think about this section, since this au is fun in the in-between, not the ending. but I do have a few ideas on what happens in the end.
☆ Ascend together: with Shifty and LQ awakened, They want to show Their gratitude to this mortal, They want her to Ascend with Them, to join their Dance in eternity. The debate probably happens too, but with the Voice joining with their Princess. But no matter how it plays out, if she accepts, she becomes the Vessel of both Change and Stillness. I call her Entropy, for the unpredictable nature.
☆ Retredded ground (what i considered Canon, if i wanna do one for this au): By going into the Heart of the Shfiting Mound, she meets with Princess and Larry, and have a talk. Ley concluded that this whole mess is way too complicated for her, and there's way too much for her to help. They are just too complex for her to find an answer for. So they suggested that they get her out of the Construct, permanently. The Echo was gonna use Larry anyway, before this trial run, so he could consider it a failure and move on. They both loved her too much, at this rate, and wouldn't want her to get hurt, on their behalf. So with the Blade, she is killed by Larry and Princess holding the knife together. This is where the Canon game happens, Larry restored as the POV character, not remembering the previous Player, only for worn footprints on the path in the woods to the cabin...
☆ Nobody left behind: this is a rendition of the Leave Together ending. Now, Ley has attached to the Voices, so she gathered all the Voices to leave too. Even a shard of the Narrator joined them so the Echo can finally fade into the wind. No one is left behind, and everyone leaves into the unknown. Maybe they will go back to Ley's old life, or somewhere new. But at least they got each other.
((HOLY SHIT THIS IS A LOT. To whoever sat thru and read thru all of this, thank you. I probably won't do anything like a separate blog or a comic or anything, but I do wanna tall about this au so plz let me rant and talk to me/hj. Hope you enjoy the rest of your day
#slay the princess#mai art#mai animation#stp au#stp: the first draft#slay the princess au#stp voices#stp princesses#mai rambles#((woah))#((i genuinely hope to do more of this))#((its really why Oppy has a redemption arc in my au))#((but hey if i can think of more shit for this it would be GREAT))#((thank you for reading this again))#((and for making it to the end have a 🍪))#((oh right))#stp spoilers#stp pristine cut spoilers#stp narrator
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dyke!Chilaios has me understanding breeding kink all of a sudden
#chilaios#that's a lie i understand breeding kink very well lmao#HOWEVER IT MUST BE SAID#they finish up a great scene. hot lesbian sex. all going well.#and laios lies back with her eyes closed. still flushed and sweaty. she rests her naked hand on her naked lower stomach and says. 'hah....#'did you know ...that tallmen and halflings can have kids together?' Like its just another fun monster fact.#she's trailing her fingers absentmindedly over her stomach now. tracing idle patterns.#'with our lifespans being so similar it isn't even as big a deal as it is for elves and humans. they're even fertile and that's ...#that's really rare for hybrids.' her eyes are still closed. she swallows hard. She's more red now than she was when they fucked.#'you should talk about that next time you're in me. i'd like it...' and she cracks one eye open a sliver#to see chilchuck . BEET. RED.#because Chilchuck DID NOT. KNOW.#She was already fucked out and now she's dying?? she's dying. Laios still has her huge hand resting on her huge smooth stomach#miles and miles of soft skin...that she wants chilchuck to put a BABY in#she's thought about the hypothetical lifespan and safety of the hypothetical baby! is this just a sex thing? is this a for real thing?#chilchuck does not know and does not know which one she's hoping for now!! cause both sound GREAT#AND OF COURSE THERE'S ALSO#chilchuck remembering that conversaion next time Laios's huge huge fingers are inside her. Laios's hot wet breathing by her ear.#Laios's breathing going ragged even though no one is touching HER she is the one toying with Chilchuck right now. She always does that.#between the breathing and the fingers and the warmth and the smell Laios is all around her and she just thinks -#'Laios is so huge. Laios's baby would be so huge. I'd be so huge. Pregnant with it.' And she cums.#rattles her to her fucking core. Chilchuck who HAS BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE realising. holy shit.#i want this fluffy haired socially awkward 26 year old doggirl to . to fuck a baby into me. in a sexy way.#i think . I think it's hot.#enough to turn you to drink isn't it!#u may ask - hey how come chilchuck has a girlcock and has got pregnant? can laios get chilchuck pregnant?#does anyone even have a womb in this situation? I may answer - don't worry about it#a wizard did it. whatever. its a fantasy world.#whatever is sexiest in the moment i don't care#lesbiance
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i have to speak my truth. i think timkon clone baby aus fucking suck
#rimi talks#here's the thing. you take a traumatized teenager and give them a baby. you're going to further traumatize the teen AND the baby#you take a traumatized teenager and say ''hey your bff nonconsensually cloned you while you were dead and now there's a child''........#LIKE THATS NOT GREAT. THATS NOT GREAT!#and like. if it's in-character tim is horribly depressed and grieving. kon has just successfully committed suicide via heroics and come BAC#NEITHER of them is going to be a good parent because of how they are STILL TEENAGERS THEMSELVES#and im just so fundamentally NOT interested in seeing my favs be shitty parents who unintentionally traumatize a child#.....hey wait. is that the appeal? to batman fans i mean. since. yknow. that's what batman does--#anyways ive never seen a single one of these posts that suggests the op has even heard of kon's clone rights feelings#clone baby guardian arc in sb94 you will always be fucking famous#but hey i mean why bother being in-character or anything when you can do fluff thats ooc to the point of unrecognizability i guess#this is tangentially also how i feel about people who say steph couldve kept the baby + raised it with tim. bro they were 15#but its soo much more egregious with kon because he has NO ability to consent to this. he is dead.#he forgives tim afterwards because tim already knows it was fucked up to do and he was wrong#THATS SIGNIFICANT. BECAUSE THERE *IS* SOMETHING FOR KON TO FORGIVE#frankly if kon returned from the dead and tim was like hey i cloned you and made a child. it'd destroy their relationship#he'd be sympathetic and he would be kind to the child but his ability to trust tim would be shattered by that#and again im just NOT interested in that story!!!!#and neither is anyone else who does this trope i think because no one doing this trope actually gives a shit about kon's character afaict :#OH WELL. whatever . i block and i move on and also i bitch about it in the tags on a personal post. you know how it is#now im gonna go play some more hades. ive gotta beat extreme measures 4 with every weapon
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HIT!!!!
👏can👏we👏send👏gifts👏to👏frost👏?
👏I👏want👏to👏send👏him👏a👏box👏of👏chocolate👏and👏a👏blue👏rose👏
HIT LET ME SEND THIS AND MY LIFE IS YOURS
👏👏👏
also Hit your so hot like omg
Hit here,
Well...
This explains why Frost looked like he was holding back a snort as he handed this to me- and now he's got his head down on the table cry-laughing.
Regardless, I consider my residency to be a rather confidential detail. I suggest we either converse about this in private or I could simply obtain those items on your behalf and say it's from you. Chocolate and flowers are easy to come by in most places.
I've considered applying for a P.O Box- after all, I don't think Sheryl from one floor down was particularly amused that one day in the mail room when she asked if I got anything exciting in the mail and I told her it was "death threats". So, I'll keep you posted (no pun intended) on that.
Also,
No matter how much you beg, your life will only be "mine" if I have a contract out for you. I have a feeling I don't.
*you're
~ H
#hit responds#anonymous#F: Oh hell yeah free chocolate#F: Hey can you maybe manipulate Hit into giving me more free shit that'd be great thanks#((this would definitely get a slow blink from Hit))#((I wanted to come up with some kind of alien variant for the nice little lady that lives in the same apartment complex as an assassin))#((but I think just plain Sheryl was the funny option))
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Soulmate AU in which when you touch your soulmate you swap bodies. It needs to be skin on skin contact and is instant. The only way to get back in the previous body is to touch again, otherwise you're stuck like that.
No matter the body all psychological and physical damage stays with you. That means if you get hurt then swap bodies, you will still feel it despite no longer having the wounds. This is only the case of existing wounds prior to swapping ; if new wounds happen to the hurt body after the swap you won't feel them, but the person in the body when it happens will. A very complicated way of saying that you can't get away from pain by swapping bodies with your soulmate as it will follow you.
There's no known consequences to not changing bodies back once swapped, though some might get sick for a few days after swapping back if they waited a long period of time to change back (say over a month, even longer depending on individual)
Now this but, you know... JeanMarco. And of course they find out during their time in the 104th Training Corps, because there's no way their skin didn't touch at least once in +3 years of training and being as close as they are. It isn't until break when they're able to visit home that they learn what it truly means ; up until that point they used it to swap chores (is the only reason why Jean didn't try to kill Eren during their shared chores- because it was actually Marco all along). At that point they knew each other perfectly.
Of course the whole situation was a little bit awkward for both of them when returning. They probably would end up avoiding each other for a bit because teenager boys and stuff, all until someone finally got the guts to mention the tension and ask them what's wrong- which forces them to talk and stuff. Doesn't matter, this is not what I want to talk about.
But the beautiful battle of Trost and what if, hypothetical speaking of course, they touch skin after Jean gets another ODM? And they're so used with each other by now, they don't even notice until the mission is nearly done anyway. And I don't know man, the idea of Jean dying while in Marco's body? Marco (in Jean's body) saying "I need to find Marco" once the mission is a success and research for his soulmate, just for him to not find him?? Not find him until 3 days later when some of them are assigned cleaning duty in Trost and he finds his own fucking body bitten in half???
The realization that it should've been Marco who died that day, but didn't because he was in Jean's body. The realization that not only his soulmate is dead, but he's stuck living his life. He's stuck living the life Jean can't because he died in Marco's place.
SEEING YOUR DEAD SOULMATE EVERYDAY WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR. Poor Marco would most likely avoy any reflective surface for a very long time, unable to see Jean's face looking at him.
The guilt of lying to everyone, because how does one even begin to explain what's going on? Him lying to Jean's mother to protect her from the harsh truth of the reality- that her son actually died and the one in front of her was a fake.
And the sad truth is that no one would notice because they've been doing it for months already. They knew how to act like each other to perfection. Even if Marco slipped at some point no one would question it because they got many traits from each other already.
#Ok Armin might notice at some point. But I think somewhere later in the series#And only because of something extremely trivial like idk man Jean thanking Eren for something like#You heard of twins switching lifes now I present to you soulmates doing the exact thing but there's no turning back from it#Don't we all love the swapping bodies trope?#Marco crying when he learns of how Jean truly died because //he only got killed because they thought he was Marco//#With the amount the angst thrown at him Marco might as well just stay dead#anyway#aot#jean kirstein#jeanmarco#aot jean#marco bodt#marco bott#aot marco#jean kirschstein#soulmate au#JeanMarco Soulmates AU#Because there's a weirdly big lack of this trope for them and they deserve more#Hey hey. Is just a little scenario. There's 100% a lot of fluff going on during their training days#Lots of shenanigans too while learning to be comfortable in each other's body and stuff. And The Talk man#Everyone remembers that week in which Jean and Marco avoided each other like the worst week of their life#And some watched loved ones get eaten by titans man like it was THAT bad#Shadis was this 🤏🏻 close to starting an intervention because he wasn't paid enough to put up with whatever was going on#Oh nvm Ymir probably knew but that girl knew a lot of shit and said nothing so it doesn't matter. What's another secret added to the pile?#She could tell right away#Ymir takes one look at you and can tell immediately if you're gay or not. That girl got the gift#Marco living a life Jean would be proud of <3#Also Marco seeing the same exact illusion like Jean saw in canon and being like 'I'm right. Jean was born to be a great leader. I must#follow that path' then joining the Survey Corps because it felt right to do#The amount of times Marco has to stop himself from acting as Titan bait is ridiculous
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the webtoon may have left out a lot of things but they did yassify the orcs which is the funniest thing to me right now
*sigh* they did yassify the orcs <3
now i want to see what they'll do with the sirens and whether i should be excited or worried lmao
#hey i got an ask#Anonymous#the greatest estate developer#tged#also. can we talk about the elephant on the room.#listen i may be totally be wrong about this and i would love to hear you guys' thoughts about this but.#doesn't it feel a little. weird. this thing the webtoon has about making muscular women look overly scary or rough?#like i feel it's gone under the radar because most of us just went 'oh hell yeah muscular women that shit rules let's go!'#but..... i think that wasn't... actually what the artists had in mind when they did. that.#like for example mellica. she's great i love her top tier character design. but look at her. and tell me the way they presented her#doesn't look like a set up for the audience to go 'oh super muscular woman is scary ha ha'. be honest.#now to be fair! all the elves look buff! like they actually look like people who train and fight and do archery constantly! they look great#so i can pass it off as a maybe a little clumsy attempt to give us more buff female characters it's fine whatever#but then we get to the lady ella bit. and uh. well.#how do say this.. it feels. mean-spirited? sorta?? a little mean??#not even because i was really looking forward to this arc i'm a big girl i can swallow my disappointments like an adult and all that#but it feels like the joke there was 'ha ha man in a dress looks weird isn't that funny? ha ha men are attracted to him that's hilarious'#especially because they went out of their way to make javier look overly burly and buff while wearing the dress#i joked about it but doesn't it feel weird?? we know javier is a pretty guy he's muscular but he's also lean and almost... delicate looking#when wearing his normal clothes#he's a pretty guy! in the novel he could easily pass as girl with no issues!#and instead the webtoon decided to make him look so big and buff he was almost ripping the dress because of how burly he is?#like clearly the joke was 'this guy can't pass for a woman and it's funny that no one seems realize it and even think he's beautiful'#and they even went with the 'i respect your fetishes' joke which. oh boi.#so i'm worried about what kind of jokes they'll make when we get to the mermaids which are described as really big and muscular#even in the novel. in which there are some illustrations that i still haven't decided how much i like tbh#and maybe i'm exaggerating! maybe i'm being paranoid! maybe i'm making a big deal out of nothing and seeing mean jokes#out of a simple gag with no ill intentions behind it!#but i just. think it's weird. and not really all that funny. and i wanted to acknowledge it cause i felt uncomfortable not saying anything#so i'd like to know what you guys think. i think i need more perspectives on this before i say something dumb(er) lol
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okay I thought about the similarities between jfm and jc's unrequited crushes who prefer their 'servant's' company to their own and it looped around from being tragic to being really funny again. jc pined after wq so clumsily and unsuccessfully with the stupid fucking comb she didn't care about because SHE AND HER FAMILY WERE POLITICAL TARGETS AT THE TIME and HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER AT ALL and she 100% always preferred the company of wwx, who was genuinely fun to be around, as intelligent and selfless as she was, understood and respected the delicate political position she was in, treated her like an individual, knew what was important to her, helped her family, and sacrificed everything for her safety. wq literally would rather have lived a doomed life in a starving refugee camp with wwx and her family than accept a marriage proposal from jc, jc wq shippers how does it feel to be fucking clowns
#you can say that decision was just for her family. but you could tell how much she loved wwx too and how little she cared about jc#he sucks to be around and whoever is in his life just needs to be someone who's inexplicably into that and it is NOT wq#she has her own shit she can't be babying him and soothing his self-esteem issues!!! the cultivation world had her family in a death camp#like WHAT would be the appeal here???? 'he cares about his family like she does' actually he publicly denounced his brother who is her#really good friend so...????? no?????? do they think she thinks he's hot??? isn't that a little superficial???#his sarcasm and prickliness don't gel with her sincerity and guardedness. she wouldn't like his joking roughhousing and she's more mature#than all that anyway....also I can't think of a single time he even looked wen ning's way pre-ss and wn is THE most important person to her#and its actually disgustingly ooc to see how jc wq shippers just act like he doesn't exist. bc what they can't pretend he'd get along with#wn effectively? but that's wen ning!!!! how is she married to someone who doesn't care about him or even hates him!#WHERE'S THAT POST LIKE#jc: lady wen may I rub thine feet? feed you grapes?#wq: uhhhh#wwx: hey wq!#wq: wei wuxian! *they do a 15 step handshake*#jc: okay guys I'll just be uhh. over here#wwx and wq: laughing together#UGH she was so great. travesty of the century that she died like that for the emotional development of a male character!!!#I really do like wq tho I don't really know what to say about her. she was a solemn character who knew her ending far before anyone else di#and didn't fight it for her own sake only for her family's#I just hope she was able to be at peace in the end. it seems so cruel that she was ripped away from the only person she truly wanted#to be with forever#ALSO her entire thing is repaying debts!!! which he categorically FAILED to do!!! she wouldn't respect that or find it admirable/attractive#he probably looked like a fucking impotent self-centered coward. which he WAS! SHE SAVED HIS LIFE!!!!#cql txp
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call the hairdresser and call the mediator because the way i'm splitting to the fucking ends right now
#babes i'm so sorry about it i'm SO sorry about it but i don't think we can blame this one on the period craziness anymore#i've not even been that mentally ill lately but my friend said we like can't hang out before he goes back to school#AND my sister doesn't want to hang out tn and i'm genuinely like? i'm going to break my fucking phone#like okay i'll just kill myself. whatever. i'm becoming super fucking toxic it's really bad#obviously i don't say this shit this is internal i'm not gonna push for anything that's super fucked#but like. ohhhh my God the rage i'm feeling right now. i need to kill someone#literally why am i like this. no explanation no anything i'm just like this? who fucked me over though like what happened#what's my tragic backstory i've got nothing i'm literally just crazy#he's not even answering my fucking texts anymore like tell me to die. pussy. do it. do it! fuck w me right now#and i was so nice i literally was like. hey no worries how's your summer been what's been going on!#i'm watching more youtube within the last 10 minutes of checking my phone i've almost thrown up and thrown it twice#do you think people try to fuck me over. do you think that's a thing. like they're testing me#if you showed me some of my old online friends right now the way i would rip them into pieces#my girlfriend's been pissed lately too like it's my two best friends riding for me and nobody else#oh he replied fucking great. shooting myself in the head i'm so manic pixie for this i'm so fixing him right now#i'm not he's got a girlfriend. but like. whatever. could've been me & i think about that when i'm mad#i do not like him but me and her are literally the exact same she's just prettier and smarter and i'm more of a good person#not right now though. i need to loop someone gets hurt from mean girls until i'm fucking normal#neg#vent#suicide tw
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It always gets me that the name "Gandalf" literally just means "Wand-Elf" or "Stick-Elf". I'm imagining old Gondorians just being like:
Librarian: I saw that weird guy at the library again today.
Guard 1: What weird guy?
Librarian: The old guy with the beard? Kinda elfy-looking, apart from the beard?
Guard 1: Oh, with the big-ass stick?
Librarian: Yeah, looked like he was carrying an entire tree branch.
Guard 2: Yeah, that's the Stick Elf.
Guard 1: Hell yeah, I fuckin' love the Stick Elf.
Librarian: The "Stick Elf"?
Guard 2: He comes by every few years, usually after some weird book or other.
Librarian: Oh. Yeah, he wanted a treatise on goblin breeding habits.
Guard 2: Like, how they have sex? We have books on that?
Librarian: Yeah, turns out we do. I was as surprised as you are.
Guard 1: What'd the Stick Elf need a fuckin' goblin-fuckin' book for?
Librarian: I didn't ask. So you just call him "Stick Elf"?
Guard 2: I mean, he looks kinda elfy and he always has that stick, so, like, yeah.
Guard 1: Dude also has some fuckin' dope pipeweed.
Guard 2: Oh yeah, his pipeweed is awesome.
Librarian: How long has he been coming here?
Guard 2: Oh, for decades. He's, like, super old.
Guard 1: More like fuckin' centuries. Dude's old as balls.
Guard 2: Wait, really?
Guard 1: Yeah, my gran-gran used to talk about him. She loved his pipeweed too.
Librarian: So he's… an immortal pipeweed dealer?
Guard 2: I think he's just, like, a connoisseur. He doesn't sell it or anything. He just always has some really top-notch pipeweed on him.
Archivist: Oh, are we talking about Stick Elf?
Guard 1: Hell yeah we are!
Librarian: You know about the Stick Elf, too?
Archivist: Oh, totally. Stick-Elf's a super chill dude. Gave me some awesome pipeweed when I was maybe 12, and tee-bee-aitch I think I'm still a little buzzed from it.
Guard 1: What'd I tell ya, fuckin' dope pipeweed!
Archivist: Also he's really old.
Guard 1: Old as balls.
Librarian: Yeah, so Éodan and Jenniforomir were telling me.
Archivist: My grandpa used to tell me stories - he said one time he saw Stick Elf enter a smoke-ring contest.
Guard 1: Ooh, I'll bet he kicked fuckin' ass.
Archivist: Apparently the guy made an entire warship out of smoke and it flew around shooting down the other rings.
Librarian: And how much of this "fuckin' dope" pipeweed had your grandfather had by this point?
Guard 1: No no, that's totally plausible. Dude's got weird elf powers and shit for sure.
Archivist: He brought fireworks for the king's birthday one year, too.
Guard 1: Oh fuck, I forgot about those! Fuckin' incredible fireworks! Dragons and knights and glowy trees and shit! I was fuckin' 6 years old or something, they totally blew my mind. Hey Éodan, did you see that shit?
Guard 2: No, I think that's before I lived in Gondor.
Guard 1: Wait, you're not from here?
Guard 2: Oh, no, I grew up in Rohan. We moved here when I was, like, thirteen because my uncle Éojeff said he could get my dad a sweet job. And also that there were houses that didn't smell like horseshit.
Guard 1: Oh shit, are you related to Éojeff and Éosteve who run that æbleskiver stand on Norndîl St?
Guard 2: Yeah, they're my uncles!
Guard 1: Shit, they cook a fuckin' great æbleskiver!
Librarian: Ok, hold up a sec, "Stick Elf" can't possibly be his real name.
Guard 1: Why not?
Librarian: What? You think his parents named him in the hopes that he would carry around a fucking tree when he got older?
Guard 2: Maybe they gave him the tree when he was born!
Archivist: I don't think a baby could carry that stick.
Guard 1: You ever seen a baby hanging onto something? They're hella strong.
Archivist: It's not a strength thing, their hands are tiny. That staff is enormous!
Guard 1: My halberd's bigger 'n I am, I can hold it just fine.
Archivist: You're not a baby.
Librarian: Also why would elf parents name their kid "stick ELF"?! Presumably they know that their kid's going to be an elf!
Archivist: Is he actually an elf? I didn't think they grew beards.
Guard 1: How'd he get old as balls if he's not an elf?
Guard 2: His ears aren't that pointy. Maybe he's just a really old guy? Like, a Numémoriam or something?
Guard 1: Did you just say "Numémoriam"?
Guard 2: Nûnenorman? Munimõrbitan? Y'know, those guys like the king that can get super old.
Guard 1: You mean the fuckin' Númenóreans?
Guard 2: Yeah, the Númenóreums.
Archivist: Even the Númenóreans don't live THAT long.
Guard 1: Plus he carries that fuckin' stick around.
Guard 2: Wait, what does the stick have to do with it?
Guard 1: That's an elf thing. Y'know, trees and shit? Very elfy.
Librarian: Ok, look, but his parents naming him "Stick Elf" would be weird whether or not he's an elf. In fact, it's even weirder if he's not - what human names their kid "elf"?
Archivist: Huh. Yeah, you're right, he probably does have another name.
Guard 2: Yeah, I guess so.
Librarian: He's been coming here for decades and nobody's ever asked his real name?
Archivist: I dunno what to tell you, he's Stick Elf. Even his library card just says 'Stick Elf'.
Guard 1: Fuck yeah, the Stick Elf!
Guard 2: Maybe we could, like, ask him his name sometime?
Guard 1: Hey, look, Elrond's over there. He's old as balls too, maybe he knows?
Guard 2: Oh, we shouldn't interru-
Guard 1: HEY ELROND, YOU'RE OLD AS BALLS, RIGHT? WHAT'S THAT OLD ELF WITH THE STICK'S NAME?
Elrond (coming over): Do you mean an old man cloaked all in grey and blue, leaning on a rough-cut staff, who came to the great library this day?
Guard 1: Yeah, the Stick-Elf!
Guard 2: (Sorry to bother you, sir...)
Librarian: He's got to have a real name besides 'the Stick Elf', right?
Elrond: Indeed, for no elf is he. You speak of the wizard Olórin, wisest of the Maiar, older even than Eä itself. Many are his names in many countries: Tharkûn among the Dwarves; Incánus to the south; Mithrandir he is called among my people, the Grey Pilgrim.
Librarian: Oh.
Elrond: And here in the North he is called Stick-Elf.
Librarian: Oh.
Guard 1: Fuck yeah!
#fun fact: the Khuzdul name Tharkûn means 'staff-man'#so the Dwarves also call him 'the stick guy'#on the naming of things#sufficiently verbose prose#that's what I'm Tolkien about
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